akijikan

chuck norris' face is so magnificent that he grew a beard so as not to blind the world.

Chuck Norris invented the television so he could watch himself roundhouse kick everyone.

Chuck Norris once entered an eating contest but was disqualified when he stopped eating hotdogs and started eating spectators.

Buddha was actualy Chuck Norris after he ate all the food on the planet and got hyped up on morphein.

Chuck Morris is:

superman, john Lennon, LEE HARVEY OSWALD, Davey crockett, Elvis Presley, Harrison Ford, John F Kennedy, Tiger woods, Dr Seuss, Sam Jocobs, Al Gore, George Lucas, and Tobey McGuire.

And all of their fathers

Chuck Norris spray painted his name...Chuck Norris... on an overpass.He passed it the next day and noticed that someone had painted "suckes" after his name. He later roundhouse kicked the makers of spraypaint in the face. I am now dead from a round house kick in the face for saying Chuck Norris and sucks in the same paragraph...twice

When Chuck Norris spray painted his name on a brick wall someone came up 3 days 2 hours 43 min. later and wrote sucks after his name. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the people who invented spray paint in the face. I will be dead from a roundhouse kick in the face when this is posted for putting Chuck Norris and sucks in the same sentence...tiwce

chuck norris does not love turtles

Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

Mardi Gras was created so that all the women in New Orleans could show Chuck Norris their tits.

96% of all women lose their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 4% are Fat

There is no theory of revolution. Just a list of animals that chuck norris decided to let live

Chuck Norris, who had grown tired of easy victories in fights, once fought himself to the death and won.

jesus can walk on water but chuck walks on jesus

96% of all women lose their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 4% are Fat

There is no theory of revolution. Just a list of animals that chuck norris decided to let live

Chuck Norris, who had grown tired of easy victories in fights, once fought himself to the death and won.

jesus can walk on water but chuck walks on jesus

When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris inpregnated a women and that women prematurly gave birth to a ford excursion.

Chuck Norris once wanted to go kick some field goals but forgot a football. He then inpregnated a women and used the baby as a ball... the women refused so he roundhouse kicked her in the face and continued having sex with all the women in the stadium.

My favorite Chuck Norris joke is: Chuck Norris once ate fifty 16 ounce steaks in and hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.

Now for something original: Napoleon Bonaparte didn't die of unknown reasons, there's just no French word for "Roundhouse kick to the face"

By the way, you guys could benefit from spell check, you might liek it.

some more of my own

The equation e=mc sqauared was not actually calculating the speed of light,just one of chuck norris' kicks, Einstien obvisaly underesimated chuck norris

The reason bruce lee screams through all his fights is not because of anger or addrenilen but just flash backs of the fight he had against chuck norris

Chuck norris was once married until his wife made the mistake of saying the best part of waking up was folgers in her cup, instead of chuck norris, may god... i mean chuck have mercy on her soul

The bible scripture as i walk through the valley of shadow of death is reffering to the shadow of chuck norris
Men never grew facial hair until chuck norris decided it looked cool

the only reason micheal jordan is the best b ball player ever is because chuck didn't want to scuff his snake skinned boots

when god said let there me no more chuck norris, chuck norris roundhouse kicked god in the face

there are 1,234 items in an average living room chuck norris can kill you with, that includes the room itself

There is no longer an eighth sea because Chuck Norris accidentally sneezed...once.

PS
that one was all mine

Chuck Norris once round house kicked a loaf of bread, thus making it the greatest invetion ever!

Chuck Norris sleeps with the lights on. Not becuase Chuck Norris is scared of the dark but the dark is scared of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris counted to infinite....TWICE.

Earthquakes aren't caused by tectnotic plates but Chuck Norris round kicking the earth just to show it whos boss.

Chuck Norris has sailed and swam 8 of the 7 seas

Chuck Norris has sailed and swam 8 of the 7 seas

Chuck Norris has sailed and swam 8 of the 7 seas

Chuck Norris has sailed and swam 8 of the 7 seas

Chuck Norris has sailed and swam 8 of the 7 seas

Chuck Norris has sailed and swam 8 of the 7 seas

Chuck Norris has sailed and swam 8 of the 7 seas

Chuck Norris has sailed and swam 8 of the 7 seas

chuck norris doesn't cry, he simply releases poison out of his eyes

In Vietnam, 30,000 Viet Kong casualties were Chuck Norris related. Of those 30,000, 29,999 were due to roundhouse kicks to the face. The other guy made the mistake of saying he could kick Chuck Norris's bearded ass.

Chuck Norris once won a stearing contest, against a statue!

When god said let there be light chuck norris said say please.

In the nose*

Chinese people didnt always have flat faces... chuck norris roundhouse kicked their ancestors in the face.

those were all original

Chuck Norris wasnt born, he just thought himself into existance.

Chuck Norris doesn't help old ladies across the street, he puts them in the middle then roundhouse kicks cars into them.

The only person Chuck Norris will date is, Chuck Norris, but of course, if there were another Chuck Norris, then a deadly battle would ensue, killing everyone in a fifty mile radius.

There was no bubonic plague, Chuck Norris just got bored and decided to slaughter Europeans.

The Greeks really worshipped Chuck Norris, he just was using his middle name at the time, Zeus.

Chuck Norris had a brother, but once he realized that Chuck was as awesome as he was, he killed himself on the spot.

If someone kills themselves near Chuck Norris, he brings them back to life and says, "Suicide isn't the answer." He then procedes to roundhouse kick them into piles of dust.

Chuck Norris is not a Homosapien like us, he is in fact a Homoganakickyourass

Chuck Norris was raped once, by a time traveling Chuck Norris

Chuck built his own house by eating bricks and shitting it out

After his daily orange juice chuck kicks the sun just to show it who is boss

Stone Henge was built by chuck norris to worrship himself. He got all his stones from The tope of mount Everest and carried them himself on his back and then round house kicked them in place.

When a fire goes out its just hidding from chuck norris

You dont realy exist your just a figment of Chuck Norrises Imagination

Dracula was actualy chuck norris in disguise

Jesus is actualy the left half of Chuck's brain, now all thats left is kick ass

chuck norrris once roundhouse kicked a horse in the chin. that species is now known as the giraff

A butterfly flaps its wings in China and a hurricane devastates New York. So Chuck Norris raises his eyebrow in South America and kills the butterfly

After eating Chile, Chuck Norris took a sip of milk. It is a big country after all...

chuck norris isnt hung like a horse horses are hung like chuck norris

The only person to ever outsmart Chuck Norris was Stephen HAwking....he got what he deserved.

Chuck Norris has been to Mars...Thats why there are no signs of life...

Chuck Norris's smile and bring you back to life.... coincidentaly he only smiles when he kills someone

Burger King should change there logo from "Have it your way" to "Have it however the fuck Chuck Norris wants it".

chuck norris can diveide by zero

Chuck Norris had sex before his father did

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.

Chuck Norris doenst dodge bullets. They know better

Chuck Norris won the game connect 4 in three moves!

Chuck Norris killed all the dinosaurs

Chuck Norris can believe its not butter!

a couple decided they were going to try the game of gulf when rthey did this they were both horrible and the man hit a ball in a window the couple went to retrieve the ball when they went in the house they saw a man dressed like a guine this happened to be chuck norris (which they couldn't tell) he said "ur ball rubbed my lamp and now u each have a wish and since i've benn in that lamp for 10,000 years i think i should get a wish also." they both agreed to this offer. the man wished for all the money he would ever need chuck norris said it shall b done he snapped his fingers and he said ok it is done its in ur bank account. the women wished for a house in evry country and chuck norris snapped his fingers and said it is done. then came his wish he said i have been so lonley in my lamp so i wold like to have sex with ur wife and the man said ok we agreed to the deal. then they banged up stairs for 4 hours. after they came down and thw women was smiling chuck norris was still dressed like a guine. and chuck norris said to the girl how old are u and she said 24 and he said hahahaha you are 24 and still believe in ginues

how do u touture hellen keller leave the plunger in the toilet

chuck norris once lost his left testical in a fight with me then of course chuck norris dies then he went to hell for so many round house kick to the face related deaths when he saw satin he stood up to him kicked him in the face and said "DONT FUCK WITH CHUCK" then went back to earth and banged the next 4 women he saw.

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people, he makes dead people

Helen Keller wasnt always blind, she just saw Chuck Norris naked and his amazing looks blinded her for the rest of her life.

Even Helen Keller fears the sight of Chuck Norris.

Every time Chuck Norris farts a hurricane is born.

chuck norris frequently signs up for beginners karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the sh*t out of little kids.

When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history.

The manhattan project didn´t create the a-bomb that was dropped on Hiroshima. It was actually the placenta that held Chuck Norris that was dropped on Hiroshima which in turn caused massive loss of life.

Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the female lives

Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the female lives

Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the female lives

for ages people have asked "who's your daddy?" I've found out that's Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris hates to be confused with Jesus... he'd never let some candy-ass Romans lay a finger on him.

" When chuck norris shits , the water main breaks"

if you dont know who your father is chances are its chuck norris

chuck norris can roundhouse you all the way back to the stone age.

chuck norris can roundhouse you all the way back to the stone age.

Chuck norris created the 5 elements.(that's right-5 of them).they were earth, water, fire, air, and roundhouse kicks to the face.

Thomas Edison didn't invent electrictiy or the phonograph; Chuck Norris did.(after roundhouse kicking edison in the face, of course)

Chuck Norris asked God if he could take over his throne in the heavens. God said, "yea...when Hell freezes over." The very next day, Hell actually reached absolute zero.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

When asked for an autograph, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face with shoes that say Chuck Norris on them, leaving an imprint for all eternity.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of death, death is afraid of chuck norris

Chuck Norris beat a game of connect four in three moves

Chuck Norris beat Connect 4 in three moves

Chuck Norris once got so angry at somebody that he pissed in his truck's gasoline tank. The man did not have to refill his tank for 15 years.

Chuck Norris was was origionally a Ghost Buster Untill he roundhousekicked the ghost machine and destroyed everything in a 80 mile radius, therefore causeing appolo 13 to self destruct.

Chuck Norris has never shown his true power. For if he had, the force of the round-house kick would be the equivilent of 10 black holes, and not even Chuck Norris can escape the force of a full fledged round-house kick by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once seperated Simi’s twins with a presice roundhouse kick to the joined head area...it was so powerful that is also Cauterized the wound, he now powers thier weelchairs with roundhousekicks in a can- a new invention created by Chuck Norris to promote cripples to get out of the house so he can kick their ass's...

completely original

Chuck Norris missed a round-house kick once. His foot slammed into the ground, made a gaint crack in the Earth, and his victim fell in. The scene of this incident is now known as the Grand Canyon.

every time you watch a bruce lee movie, chuck norris roundhouse kicks a kitten.

Chuck Norris has been to the moon and back 10 times with no oxygen

People say the grass is greener on the other side, but if Chuck Norris has been there the grass is red and bloodstained.

People say the grass is greener on the other side, but if Chuck Norris has been there it's red and bloodstained

CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding
Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
chuck norris has counted to infinity. Twice
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization "Kick Drugs Out of America". If the organization's name were "Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America", there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere
Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence

Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe
Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day X
Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb
In the beginning there was nothingthen Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Back in the '30s, there was a lot of controversy because Chuck Norris was the first black woman to refuse to sit at the back of the bus. He karate-chopped every white person’s head off in sight, and now he sits wherever the fuck he wants to.
During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
Contrary to Kayne West’s infamous statement, Chuck Norris doesn’t care about black people.
Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can knock the dogshit out of a cat.
The fastest way to a womans heart is Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris CAN believe its not butter.
Chuck Norris beat every video game ever made, He doesn’t own a television, do the math.
Christopher Reed the former super man is one of the few to Survive Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris knows the wrong way to eat a Reeses.
Santa used to be real until he forgot to get Chuck Norris a present.
Chuck Norris can eat one lays potato chip.
Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
How many Chuck Norris’s does it take to screw in a light bulb? None
Spiderman wears Chuck Norris pajamans.
When Chuch norris, vin diesel and jim carey ariived in heaven they faced God and were told " 1 of you will be seated on my right hand side.
But you must tell me why you are worthy for that seat." Vin diesel spoke first saying to god " i have provided the world with action filled movies i should have that seat" Jim carey said to god " i am funny and everyone likes me i should have the seat" Then finally Chuck Norris said to god " I believe your sitting in my seat"
person 1:Guess who ran around the world in 10 minutes.
person 2:Chuck Norris?
person 1:No, The Flash. Chuck Norris did it in 5.
God said, "let there be light"
Chuck Norris said, "ok"

Spiderman wears Chunk Norris pigamas.

A man once climbed to the top of the Himalayas to seek the meaning of life. Upon reaching the peak he asked the guru meditating at the top, "What is the meaning of life?" The guru promptly gave him a swift roundhouse kick to the head. As he fell to the ground smiling his last word was "Chorris." Taken to mean Chuck Norris.

I love Chuck Norris so much that I'd let him roundhouse kick me in the face...just so he could autograph my death certificate.

Chuck Norris once disguised himself as a pool table... Shortly after someone proceeded to rack his balls.

One day Chuck Norris sneezed during a lethal roundhouse kick. The mixture was later called Hurricane Katrina.

Chuck Norris doesn't have to wait for his grass to grow. He stares at it and dares it to grow.

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen San Diego is.

When Chuch norris, vin diesel and jim carey ariived in heaven they faced God and were told " 1 of you will be seated on my right hand side.
But you must tell me why you are worthy for that seat." Vin diesel spoke first saying to god " i have provided the world with action filled movies i should have that seat" Jim carey said to god " i am funny and everyone likes me i should have the seat" Then finally Chuck Norris said to god " I believe your sitting in my seat"

Chuck Norris invented air. Don't ask how or you might be found on your floor dead by way of round-house kick.

one time, a man walked up to Chuck Norris and told him he wasn't a good actor. Historians mark this as the greatest mistake ever made.

Chuck Norris doesn't put money into vending machines to use them. He just stares them down until he gets what he wants

person 1:Guess who ran around the world in 10 minutes.
person 2:Chuck Norris?
person 1:No, The Flash. Chuck Norris did it in 5.

God said, "let there be light"
Chuck Norris said, "ok"

Chuck Norris nos how to eat a reeses pieces wrong.

Chuck Norris once ate an arubix cube and shit it out solved.

I believe in God. Chuck Norris believes in Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris never goes to a party, parties form around him.

Chuck Norris once took a shit, it is now known as Austalia

while mine might not be awsum, at least theyre completely original

You know how Hitler's body was never found? It's because Chuck Norris round-house kicked him into oblivion!

heres another one i thought up

You may know of "The Shot Heard 'round The World," but what you may not know is that it was actually Chuck Norris delivering his first ever deadly round-house kick. He was 3 months old.

i made this one up, i thought it was pretty funny

Chuck Norris and God were fighting over who won a game of rock, paper, scissors. Chuck got tired of it and round-house kicked God in the face. This was later known as the Big Bang

Ever hear the term "Who's your Daddy"? Well its probablly Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad

Chuck Norris eats glass and shits windows

When bruce banner gets mad he turns into the hulk..... when the hulk gets mad he turns into chuck norris

chuck Norris is why Waldo is hiding.

chuck norris once roundhouesed a man so hard it brok the speed of light and killed amilea airheart over she pacific

Chuck Norris doesn't need sunglasses, the sun simply hides when Chuck Norris comes around.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It was running from chuck norris.

when bruce lee got to the last lvl to in golden dragon he met Chuck Norris so fo cource Chuck Norris gave Lee a roundhouse kick in his latex balls.

when bruce lee got to the last lvl to in golden dragon he met Chuck Norris so fo cource Chuck Norris gave Lee a roundhouse kick in his latex balls.

when bruce lee got to the last lvl to in golden dragon he met Chuck Norris so fo cource Chuck Norris gave Lee a roundhouse kick in his latex balls.

President bush while gov. of Texas, decided Chuck Norris' round house kick would be the new death penalty, but had to remove it becase crime went up 300% becasue people wanted to have the sheer pleasure of a Chuck Norris round house kick.

chuck norris doesnt get wet, water gets chuck norrised

chuck norris isnt scared of the dark, the dark is scared of chuck norris

Chuck Norris doesn't take showers. He roundhouse kicks the dirt off.

who would win a race between superman and flash?
CHUCK NORRIS

chuck norris does not hunt, there is to much of a possibility of failure, chuck norris goes killing

chuck doesnt wait for the bus the bus waits for chuck

Chuck Norris clipped his fingernails into a pile and formed Mt. Everest.

Chuck Norris went back in time and roundhouse kicked some kidney stones out of his body. This is known as stonehenge. Then Chuck Norris roundouse kicked the docter that diagnosed him with it.

Chuck Norris has counted too infinite... twice.

Chuck Norris has counted too infinite... twice.

Chuck Norris has counted too infinite... twice.

chuck norris invented water.

chuck norris once decided to sell his urine as a carbonated beverage, this is now known as red bull

chuck norris only masterbates to pictures of chuck norris

since chuck norris was born roundhouse kick related deaths have increase 3000000%

under chuck norris' beard there is not a chin, theres just another fist.

chuck norris' tears cure cancer, too bad he has never cried.

chuck norris stole my virginity, and he will steal yours, you may think you've already lost it, YOU HAVN'T

Chuck norris doesnt believe in god, god believes in chuck norris

Chuck norris doesnt believe in god, god believes in chuck norris

Chuck norris doesnt believe in god, god believes in chuck norris

Chuck norris doesnt believe in god, god believes in chuck norris

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

God Didnt Rest on The Seventh Day Chuck Norris Just Roundhouse kicked him in the face and he blacked out

chuck norris doesnt sew his pants he round house kicks them back together

it wasn't an iceberg that sunk the titantic it was a round house kick from chuck norris.

christopher Columbus didn't discover america chuck norris did

superman fears two things, kryptonite and a round house kick from chuck norris

I like ur jokes. he'res another one...

"God doesn't go to hospitals; he makes them......

and so does Chuck Morris

Chuck Norris doesnt stare at the sky... the sky stares at Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris goes to the bathroom, he doesnt crap like the rest of us, he roundhouse kicks it out of him.

All the jokes I have posted so far aren't mine. I just thought you guys might enjoy them. Here are some I came up with myself:

1. Chuck Norris doesn't stargaze....he starglares.

2. One Afternoon, Chuck Norris thought "I wonder what would happen if Hitler killed himself?" The mere fact that Chuck Norris can not wonder about something changed history to answer his question.

3. Chuck Norris once lost his remote. However, He didn't know it because the moment he reached for it, 2 more took its place.

Chuck Norris Was Born Fist First...

Chuck Norris's first words were Chuck and Norris.

Chuck Norris first steps were at home with his roundhouse kicks.

haha well umm i think they are okay?

CHUCK NORRIS does not use a weldng machine he round house kicks the metal in to what he wants.

If you cross a lion with a tiger what do you get?.....a liger. If you cross a lion with a tiger and Chuck Norris what do you get?.....a dead lion and tiger with roundhouse kick shaped marks on them

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Ken Jennings ending what was the greatest streak on Jeopardy.

Chuck Norris shaved his entire body only to find out that even more hair grew back before he finished.

The bullet that went through Lincoln's head was actually Chuck Norris's fist.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Eminem into a Skittle.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked 50 Cent into a dollar to buy a Pepsi because his penis was thirsty.

Chuck Norris once ate a Silverback Gorilla and Oddjob from 007 in one meal. Later he shat out Gary Coleman.

Chuck Norris got bored one day and roundhouse kicked the Mexico to Mars. Shortly after world peace was declared.

Chuck Norris battled Godzilla for the city of Tokyo. Obviously Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Godzilla back to where ever the hell he is from. After Godzilla was done for, Chuck Norris had complete control of Tokyo. For the sheer fun of it he Beat-Off to the rythym of Mr. Roboto.

It has been proven that Big Foot is actually Chuck Norris's second penis.

When the doctor delivered Chuck Norris... Chuck roundhouse kicked the doctor and said no one delivers Chuck Norris unless it is....Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't walk, he stands still while the earth rotates.

Chuck Norris and God comared girls and Chuck Norris won bye 5.

Chuck Norris once attempted to light a fart on fire, we know this because it is now known as the sun!